Harry Potter's Fanfic
by Emerald Writer
Summary: Harry has stumbled across the God of all things internet...fanfiction. Not only do people know he exists, but they seem to twist his life and write about him being gay. Harry decides to set the record straight and writing his own fanfic...of himself. R&R!


"What?!" a green eyed, black haired boy with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead could be heard screaming throughout his apartment building. "These people...I can't believe-"

"What is it?" a woman's voice shouted behind him. "What's wrong?"

"Hermione!" Harry nearly jumped out of his chair. "Oh, um, er, nothing?" He said in a futile attempt to reassure her that nothing was wrong.

Hermione, Harry's best friend, walked up to the computer that Harry remained sitting at. He tried to hide the screen; to minimize the internet in the hopes she would not see; but alas, Hermione pulled out her wand to cast a charm on Harry so that he could not move.

She looked at the screen. "Fan Fiction... Harry, what is this rubbish?" She asked him solemnly, shaking her head. "Don't tell me you're reading this muggle rubbish." She whispered another charm so that Harry could move again.

"Hermione, it's a fan fiction site, okay? And these people all seem to know who I am and are-"

"Harry! You know these people know who you are. What they do not know is that you are a real person. So why worry about it?"

"Because they're...they're...Just read this, Hermione!!"

Hermione sighed and began to read out loud. "_Harry didn't know why he did it, but suddenly he found his lips crashing against Draco's._ WHAT?"

"Keep reading!" Harry insisted.

"_Draco resisted, but Harry pushed him back off of him, then grabbed him and pinned him to the wall he had just been pinned to. Draco gasped, and Harry took this opportunity to shove his tongue into Draco's mouth. Draco stopped resisting and melted into the kiss, their tongues swirling, exploring each other's throats as the kiss became more and more passionate._ Harry, this is...umm...what is this?"

"I told you, it's fanfiction," Harry answered, irritated. "They take who they think I should be with and write it! I hate this! People probably think I'm gay now..." Harry fell onto the desk, his head in his hands. "What do I do? I want people to know who I really am, not this fake persona they've given me!"

Hermione sighed. She didn't understand Harry sometimes; he'd just defeated Lord Voldemort a year ago, seemingly together and calm, yet something as trivial as this upset him. "Harry, I don't know why you're worrying about this. It's not as if anyone believes it. And you're probably one of the only wizards to even own a computer, so it's not like this will go around."

"Hermione! If something DOES get around, I'd rather it be that I'm some sort of rebel--as that's always been the case--than this! I don't want people to think I'm...I'm..."

"_GAY_!" Hermione yelled. "It's a three letter word! G-A-Y. You're one of the most homophobic people I've ever met in my life. Honestly!" And with that Hermione stormed out, muttering to herself.

"They all think I'm gay...I'll show them. They'll find out who I really am." Harry shut off his computer, walking over to the fireplace with some floopowder, and threw it into the fire. He had someone he needed to talk to.

Ronald Weasley sat at home in front of his fireplace, staring deeply into the red flames. Although he went through school with a carefree, almost idiotic attitude, many things had changed since then. He'd married Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin-turned-good. They had a love affair for years; in fact, Pansy was the one that took the carefree spirit from Ron and turned it into someone that could truly care deeply about her. In turn, he turned her into a Slytherin that fought for the good side during the War.

They loved each other deeply.

Suddenly the flames turned green and a face popped out. "Ron? Are you there?"

"Hi Harry," Ron answered. "Fancy seeing you here. Whuzamatter?"

"Ron, can you come over here? I know it's late but--AH!"

A hand touched Harry's shoulder gently. "What is it?" Ron asked him politely.

"You scared the shits out of me, that's what it is!" Harry answered. "I...need your help."

Ron put a worried look on his face. "Is it serious?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes," Harry answered gravely. "Follow me." He got up and walked to his computer room. He turned on the monitor, opening the internet.

"Harry, I may not understand muggles as well as you do, but what are you doing with that computer?" Ron asked interestedly.

"There's something you need to see." He typed in as the url, clicked a few links and opened up a story written by someone named Emerald Writer.

"Blimey, what is this, Harry?" Ron asked Harry skeptically.

"People seem to enjoy writing about me on this website," was his answer. "They don't know I exist in real life, so Hermione said it's nothing to worry about, but--"

"Shit, Harry!" Ron burst out laughing. "What, exactly, is a yaoi?"

"It means they write about me being gay!" Harry exclaimed.

"With who?" Ron asked slowly, snickering.

"Malfoy."

Ron fell onto the floor laughing. "I..can'...breathe..." he gasped. Harry angrily took out his wand and cast a silencing charm on Ron. "Shutup!" He answered, as if it mattered; Ron was silenced. Finally, Harry lifted the charm.

"Whatcha need me for?" Ron asked. "S'not as if I could be of much assistance in this particular area. Besides, I don't know whatcha gonna do anyway."

"I'm sick and tired of these people talking about ME falsely, so I plan on writing a story about myself that isn't false. And since you work at the paper-"

"You think I'd be more helpful than Hermione?" Ron asked, apalled that Harry could think such a thing.

"Not exactly," Harry admitted. "She decided not to help me with it, so you were the next best thing."

"Thanks," Ron answered sarcastically.

"Alright then. This is what we're going to do. I'd like to write what I believe should be in my story, and I want you here to help me with grammar and all that stuff. Alright?"

"Fine," Ron huffed, still angry that he was second choice.

"How's the wife?" Harry asked, hoping to spur some marraige story out of him and get his mind off of Harry's insult.

"Fine," Ron answered.

"For Merlin's sake, Ron, can't you answer with anything other than 'fine'?"

"Fine," Ron answered, "I don't want to though."

"Whatever. I'm going to have to create a new account though...what should be the title of my account? Something that doesn't say 'Harry Potter exists'."

"How about '_HarryPotterexists_'?" Ron answered in a serious tone. "No one will expect that it's actually Harry Potter creating the account. Besides, no one would think that Harry Potter would create any account at all, so it doesn't really matter, does it?"

Harry contemplated Ron's logic. "Makes sense, I suppose," Harry answered. He setup his account with ease, while Ron's puzzled face over his shoulder told him that he was not accustomed to such "magic" that the internet held.

Once his account was finished, he opened up notepad, a basic instrument of his computer, and rested his hands delicately on the keyboard.

Ron and Harry stayed like that, silently, for a few moments until Ron spoke. "Well?"

"Well, this is something else I wanted help with. I'm not sure what I should write about."

"I see," Ron answered. "Well, I'd start with something like 'Following the events of the ultimate battle, Harry Potter was finally given the chance to live his own life; to live like any other wizard or witch would want to live--he could, however, do without the fame. After recovering from the physical and mental scars of the War, Harry asked Ginny to be his one and only girlfriend, and their friends were ecstatic that their love was true and everlasting.'"

"Then what?" Harry asked, typing exactly what Ron said.

"Geez, Harry, I said 'something like'! You don't have to copy everything I say!"

"Well I don't know what to write!" Harry answered in protest.

"Fine, Harry. You write whatever comes to mind, and I'll come in tomorrow after work to see what you accomplished. How does that sound?"

"Fine," Harry seethed. "But you'll have a lot of work ahead of you!" Harry exclaimed just before Ron disapparated away.

_Following the events of the ultimate battle, Harry Potter was finally given the chance to live his own life; to live like any other wizard or witch would want to live--he could, however, do without the fame. After recovering from the physical and mental scars of the War, Harry asked Ginny to be his one and only girlfriend, and their friends were ecstatic that their love was true and everlasting._

_And so he lived, that Boy Who Lived twice, that grand boy with amazing powers. That handsome, striking man with piercing green eyes, goregous black hair...that sexy, luscious HETERO..._

"Blimey, Harry!" Ron paused in his reading to laugh histerically. "This is awful! You can't expect people to read this if you're this conceited. No, worse; they'll think it really IS you!"

"Well, what do you expect? It IS me after all. I can't help it; I want people to see who I really am-"

"Ha! Yeah, right. I'll show you who you really are." With that, Ron charmed the keyboard to type what he said (as he didn't entirely know who to use the keyboard). "Harry Potter, the boy who got lucky twice, had finally asked Ginny Weasley to be his girlfriend. She graciously accepted, believing his money and fame could bring up her status when they wed and could jumpstart her career-"

"Wait just a damn minute, Ron," Harry seethed, "don't talk about Ginny that way."

"She's my sister, I can talk about her however I want to. Besides, she cheated on YOU. Why do you care?"

"Because I was married with her, and where I come from you don't take that for granted, no matter what happened."

"Oh, sorry..." Ron apologised. "I didn't mean-"

"Forget about it," Harry shrugged. Why don't we just write this together and see what we come up with, alright? I really like the first paragraph of it, and this part too..."

With that came three hours of arguements, laughter, and overall enjoyment.

Finally, it was finished. "Well, I don't think it would get better than that," Ron admitted. "It's damn well near perfect."

"I agree," Harry answered. The two walked out of Harry's computer room and into the living room, towards the door. Putting their coats on, Ron asked, "want to go get a bite to eat? I'm exhausted."

"Sure," Harry laughed as the two best friends walked out the door.

Hermione opened the door to the appartment. "Hello? Harry, you here?" she asked, taking off her coat and shoes and placing them where they were supposed to go. She looked around and found that no one was there. Walking to the computer room, she found the monitor on and walked over to see a story entitled "Harry's Real Life" by HarryPotterExists. Curious, she began to read.

_Harry's Real Life_ by HarryPotterExists

**Author Notes:** _It is my solemn belief that Harry Potter exists, and he does not live a life of yaoi. This story is to tell the true story of The Boy Who Lived._

_Following the events of the ultimate battle, Harry Potter was finally given the chance to live his own life; to live like any other wizard or witch would want to live--he could, however, do without the fame. After recovering from the physical and mental scars of the War, Harry asked Ginny to be his one and only girlfriend, and their friends were ecstatic that their love was true and everlasting._

_The Boy Who Lived--twice. Everyone was astonished by his great accomplishments in his life, and the many enemies that he'd aquired throughout his life soon turned into friends._

_Although he was living the life he'd always wanted, there were always troubles along the way._

_He had, and always would, love Ginny; but she was not the person he thought she was. She wasn't evil, but she did not think of Harry's feelings as much as Harry thought she should. Her career always came first, and when it came to the relationship she did not work hard enough to keep it together. In fact, she acted this way not because she didn't love him, simply that she was upset at the fact that his attention seemed to be focused on the press and not her._

_She eventually found someone, a local muggle, that she decided to sleep with. Harry and Ginny's love life was not exactly the best, and she felt it necessary to keep the relationship together, ironically enough. Although it was inevitable that Harry would find out._

_Harry could not manage a relationship with incest and insisted on a divorce. Although Ginny did not enjoy the idea, she was alotted half of his assets and became satisfied with this fact. They were seperated and happy apart. Harry would always love her, and even Ginny love him, but their love was not marital-worthy. They do not talk often but are there for each other._

_Harry had decided to live with his best friend Hermione Granger, whose relationship with Ron Weasley did not last either. They did not wed, which made Ron's relationship with Pansy Parkinson much easier. Ron always loved Pansy, even since Hogwarts, and although he attempted to love Hermione, it was only platonic, as Ron only ever had sexual desire for Pansy. Hermione felt the same way and was only too happy to hear of their relationship._

_Hermione, Harry, and Ron remain friends to this day, nearly ten years after the War. Things have changed. Life has changed. Relationships have changed. But the only true thing that never changed was the deep friendship that Harry, Ron, and Hermione shared for fifteen years. And nothing could ever change that._

**A/N:Especially not yaoi!**

Hermione stopped reading and laughed. "He really worked hard on this, didn't he?" She shook her head and stepped away from the computer, walking into her own bedroom to sleep peacefully.

Meanwhile...

Harry walked into the appartment at eleven. He noticed Hermione's coat and shoes by the door and the fact that she was nowhere to be seen. He figured she must be sleeping and decided to visit his story to see if there were any reviews.

Before he reached the door into the room, he heard the front door open and close behind him. "Hey, Potter," the voice scowled sensually, "want some fun?" Harry spun around and his eyes went wide when none other than Draco Malfoy pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.

--

A/N: I tried to keep this non-yaoi!! I really did!! But it was too damn difficult!! Geez...but anyway, please don't ask me to make this a continuance, cuz it won't be ) Originally posted by my account on Forever Fandom under my username _PaiPaiChan_. Please R&R!


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